My favorite bumper sticker

I saw a bumper sticker years ago that said: Mean People Suck! That just about says it all. Mean people really do suck. And I’ve been thinking a lot lately about mean people and what makes them act that way.

I heard a story on Saturday about a little girl who is in the fifth grade and has no friends at school. Her family moved to my neighborhood a couple of years ago and she went into a class of only seven girls. Seven girls who decided that the new girl could not be part of their already formed clique. They’ve been mean to her ever since no matter how hard she and her Mother try to be nice to them. The story broke my heart for that sweet little girl. And I wanted to put the seven mean girls in an extended time-out.

Her story reminded me of a similar situation my husband and I are experiencing. A family moved into our neighborhood a couple of years ago, and we were so excited to have some things in common with them. They were married the same day as us, only a year later. They got pregnant on their honeymoon just like us. They had a little girl around the same time Zoe was born, only a year later.

But said couple, actually the wife of said couple, decided she didn’t like us. She went as far as to tell me at a lunch that her job as a surgeon was much more important than my job … whatever my job was because she didn’t bother to ask me what I did for a living.

Her husband is very nice to us. She looks the other way when she sees us coming. I’m puzzled as to why she has chosen to be mean to us. It bothers me more than it should. Other people tell me “who cares, don’t worry about her.” But I do worry and wonder. What did I do to make this grown woman decide to be mean to me?

My husband said he thinks she is only mean to us. My guess is that we’re not alone. There are probably others she is mean to as well. We just don’t see it. We only see the ones she fawns over when we’re at synagogue or a group lunch.

And honestly, I’m really perplexed by mean people in general. What causes some people to single out a few and treat them badly? Especially when those few haven’t done anything to deserve the mean treatment? Is it something in their personality? Were they born with a mean gene?

I really want to blow it off and not worry about it but anytime I hear stories like the one about the cute little fifth grade girl with no friends or I see the woman who is mean to me, it kind of makes my blood boil. I want to shake the mean people and scream, why? Why are you acting this way? But alas, I can’t do that. I just have to go on worrying and wondering. That part also sucks.

Mitzvah Friday

Remember me telling you about how I’d volunteered to help raise money for my daughter’s school? Well, I started making calls/sending emails on Monday and as I suspected, asking for money sucks! I’m calling it a Mitzvah because I really, really did not want to do this but I know it’s for a good cause and a friend asked for my help so I agreed.

Out of 22 telephone calls/emails, I got two “yes we’ll donate” responses, although I don’t think one of them counts because she is also a “team captain” for this annual fundraising campaign so she basically HAS to donate; one, “the economy sucks and I already give enough to that school in the form of tuition,” which I could not argue with at all; and dead silence from the other 19 people I contacted. Personally, I donated more money than I normally would but I’m very grateful that hubbie and I both have jobs so it’s my little way of saying thanks to the big man upstairs.

On Tuesday, I spilled a bunch of coffee in the floor in the cafeteria at work. My embarrassed self wanted to sneak out without telling anyone but figured someone would slip and fall and then I’d feel really bad so I confessed to the manager.

In a kind of reverse Mitzvah, on Sunday I went out for a walk. When I was about 10 minutes away from my house, the sky opened up and poured buckets of water on me. As I was walking really fast to get back home, two very nice strangers stopped and offered me a ride. One guy in a golf cart and one lady in a very nice SUV. I declined both offers because I have a fear of strangers but still, it was nice of them to ask right?

Living in my only child world

Today when I picked Zoe up from preschool, she asked if we could get ice cream. I was really tired but the thought of relaxing and eating something yummy was tempting so we headed to the Purple Cow diner. Just as we were seated, the mom of two girls who attend the same preschool as Zoe arrived and said they were meeting another mom and daughters for dinner. We decided to expand our outing to dinner AND dessert so we got a table big enough for 3 moms and 5 little girls.

After everyone finished the “real” food, Zoe and I examined the menu for just the right dessert. We decided on a Sundae with a scoop of strawberry ice cream and a scoop of orange sherbet covered in whipped cream, cherries and sprinkles.

It never occurred to me to wonder what everyone else at the table was ordering until the desserts arrived. All of the other little girls had one scoop each of either vanilla or chocolate ice cream. No whipped cream. No sprinkles. No cherries. No pomp or circumstance at all.

And one of the little girls was really mad.

She immediately started screaming, “Why did Zoe get all of that ice cream and we only got this little bit? How did she get so much ice cream? And she even got whipped cream and cherries! Why? Why? Why? It’s not fair.”

I fumbled to explain that Zoe had more ice cream because she was sharing it with her mommy, which was partially true, but in reality, we both had our hearts set on an extravagant dessert, and we ordered it.

The girl sitting next to the really upset girl tried to explain in a very grown up voice that “Zoe and her mommy are sharing. Get over it.”

But the mad girl continued to mumble about the atrocity of unfairness that was occurring at our table throughout the rest of the meal.

On the drive home, I felt awful. I kept thinking that I should have been more considerate and ordered what everyone else ordered. That the other moms must think I’m a selfish idiot. That I’m raising a really spoiled child. That I felt really fat and bloated from eating all of that ice cream anyway.

And then I decided to practice what I preach to Zoe every day. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Next time I’ll make a better effort to order something for Zoe that is more “equal” to what the other kids are getting – in public.

But when we’re home alone, we’re still getting the really big, decadent dessert complete with all the toppings : )

If you're looking for the Sundae pictured here, you can find it at Friendly's Restaurant. Ingredients: Twelve scoops of ice cream (chosen from more than 26 flavors, including Coffee and Watermelon Sherbet), six toppings, Friendly's Whipped Topping, cherries, and chocolate sprinkles.Cost: $12.49 in most markets.

On my mind

Not much going on right now but just a few quick thoughts:

• I can't think of a single Mitzvah that I performed last week, hence no Mitzvah Friday post. I'll try to do better this week.
• Having intercourse on an ovulation schedule is no fun. I'm looking forward to IVF so I don't have monitor the clock, calendar and my basal body temperature for just the right moment to do it.
• I heard a rumor that my class is being cancelled tonight. I can't express how happy that makes me. I'm really not enjoying this class.
• I watched the movie Changeling last night and I think I might be traumatized for life. I was so scared last night that I wanted to sleep in the floor beside my daughter's bed to protect her. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I found her sleeping between me and Neil. Seems she knew I was worried about her.
• We're going to see Curious George Live on Sunday. I think Zoe is going to love it.
• Only two weeks before my appointment with the new fertility doctor.
• I'm addicted to Swagbucks. So far, I've won 8 $5 amazon.com gift cards. Hello Hanukkah shopping.

How about you? What's on your mind?

Things adults rarely say

Last night, the hubbie helped Zoe go to the Potty, and then she was playing in the kitchen while I prepped dinner. She was being a very good girl so when she asked if she could have the turtle tattoo she’d gotten from the dentist, I agreed … even though it meant I had to stop what I was doing and apply said turtle.

When she pulled up her dress to show me where the turtle should go - on her upper left thigh – I couldn’t help but notice that she wasn’t wearing any panties.

“What happened to your panties?” I asked.

“Oh, she giggled, I forgot to put them back on after I made pee pee. I’m so silly.”

And off she ran to the bathroom to retrieve her panties.

Ahh, to be 3 again.

Mitzvah Friday - ugg

It seems like it's getting harder and harder to do good deeds during the week. It really takes a big effort on my part to even think of a good deed and then actually do it. I'm starting to think this Mitzvah Friday might not be such a great idea afterall. But in the meantime, here's my week:

• Volunteered to babysit for the 5 kids of the young mother who is very ill in our community. She is still in the hospital and her hubbie needed to go somewhere so I offered but apparently so did a bunch of other people so they ended up not needing me. I was actually relieved because I was a little freaked out about my offer so it all worked out.
• I "donated" a couple of $3 off laundry detergent coupons to a woman whose daughter is having financial trouble. I didn't need the coupons and she did so I gave them up.
• I took supplies to a neighbor who just had baby number 5.
• I attended the meeting for the fundraising thing I volunteered for at my daughter's school. It doesn't seem like it's going to be all that bad.

I'm sure there were other little things I did but I can't think of any of them right now. Little sleep. Ready for the weekend. Ugg again.

The bargaining power of a 3 year old

Tuesday was flu shot day for Zoe. I tried to prepare her as best I could.

“It’s going to hurt,” I told her, “but only for a little bit. And then we’ll go get ice cream when you’re finished to make it all better.”

She was a brave little girl. She got the shot in her right arm. No crying or fussing. She smiled at the Tweety Bird band aid the nurse applied afterwards. She held her arm and said, “It hurts a lot. Can we go get ice cream?”

So off we went to Baskin Robbins where she had the rainbow sherbet with sprinkles and also some of my peanut butter and chocolate. Several groups of kids came in while we were there, and she showed them her band aid while telling them all about how much the shot hurt.

We left the ice cream shop but got side-tracked on the way to the car. An umbrella and rain boots in the window of a children’s shoe store caught Zoe’s eye. She demanded that we go inside to see the “brella and boots,” so we did.

“I really want these rain boots Ima. Can I please have them?”

“Well, you really don’t need them, but you can try them on,” I tell her.

The clerk goes to the store room to find Zoe’s size and comes back to tell me they don’t have a size 8 but the boots run big so maybe the 7 will fit. Surprisingly, the size 7s were falling off of Zoe so we try a size 6. They fit perfectly.

Zoe pranced around the store in her size 6 pink rain boots and whined over and over again about how much she needed these boots. How much she wanted to wear them to school the next day. How much her friends would really LOVE these boots.

I inquired as to the price of said boots. $31. Yikes.

“Zoe, I can’t justify paying $31 for boots you’ll only wear a few times.

“But I’ll wear them everyday. I Loooooooooove them so much.”

“I really don’t think we should get them,” I say.

“Pleassssssssssse Ima. I have to have them.”

“Let’s wait until another time,” I say.

“But Ima,” she says as she pulls up the sleeve of her shirt to reveal her Tweety Bird band aid, “I really, really want these boots.”

By this point I’m laughing so hard I can barely stand it. My baby is 3 and she is already a pro at milking the injustice that has been done to her via the flu shot to get what she wants.

We didn’t leave the store with the boots, but I honestly wanted to buy them for her. I know it would have been wrong. It would have totally enforced her behavior which would have then turned into a 16 year old girl begging me for a car because she just got her heart broken.

But man if you could have seen her face and the show she put on to get the boots. She drives a tough bargain, that 3 year old of mine.